This is a very simple, dialogue based cartoon that my wife and I finished recently. I'm still very new to animation, so we worked around our limitations. Fair warning: It's about movie loving koalas (star wars specifically in this short), it's way too long to be what it is and our koalas are prone to salty language.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDDXoitt1zU
Koala cartoon
Moderators: Víctor Paredes, Belgarath, slowtiger
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SvenReyter
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Re: Koala cartoon
I'm going start off with the harsh part:
You might have been downplaying it a bit with "prone to" salty language. There were a few parts where it felt like it "fit", like when he's saying "You're just *first name* effin *last name", but otherwise it really seemed forced, and the part about "shit on his ass" really dragged on, reminded me of Chris Rock.
Now, the good parts:
The animation was very clean, really polished. The only change I would make is this: Add a 10% blur to the background, gives you some depth of field. The eye movements were great too, and I love the Atari shirt, haha. The background noise helped a LOT, added some fullness to it. There were a few times when the timing was a few frames off, and the background noise helped to overcome that. The lip syncing was very well done, good job on the phonemes.
All in all, I could watch it, and the writing, save for the cursing, was pretty well done, and the voice acting was on point, it felt like a 'true' conversation. But it did feel a bit draggy.
I don't mean to sound like I'm picking on you, this was very well done, there were just a few parts that didn't do it for me.
You might have been downplaying it a bit with "prone to" salty language. There were a few parts where it felt like it "fit", like when he's saying "You're just *first name* effin *last name", but otherwise it really seemed forced, and the part about "shit on his ass" really dragged on, reminded me of Chris Rock.
Now, the good parts:
The animation was very clean, really polished. The only change I would make is this: Add a 10% blur to the background, gives you some depth of field. The eye movements were great too, and I love the Atari shirt, haha. The background noise helped a LOT, added some fullness to it. There were a few times when the timing was a few frames off, and the background noise helped to overcome that. The lip syncing was very well done, good job on the phonemes.
All in all, I could watch it, and the writing, save for the cursing, was pretty well done, and the voice acting was on point, it felt like a 'true' conversation. But it did feel a bit draggy.
I don't mean to sound like I'm picking on you, this was very well done, there were just a few parts that didn't do it for me.
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SvenReyter
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Re: Koala cartoon
Not at all, I appreciate the critique. I've only been toying with animation off and on in my spare time for about a year, so there is a lot I don't know about the software.
The cursing is actually forced and overused for a reason. If we can keep making the cartoon I have every intention on explaining that. And, I honestly had no intentions of it being that long. I wrote the script out on word pad, and assumed it would be fairly short. But, after recording the audio and editing it, we decided to just make it rather than scraping it. I'm using proper script writing software now, the episode we are working on at the moment is going to be about 9 minutes and it's not just dialog. This episode/video was more of a test for us.
Thanks for watching it and for the advice.
The cursing is actually forced and overused for a reason. If we can keep making the cartoon I have every intention on explaining that. And, I honestly had no intentions of it being that long. I wrote the script out on word pad, and assumed it would be fairly short. But, after recording the audio and editing it, we decided to just make it rather than scraping it. I'm using proper script writing software now, the episode we are working on at the moment is going to be about 9 minutes and it's not just dialog. This episode/video was more of a test for us.
Thanks for watching it and for the advice.
Re: Koala cartoon
I seem to have a knack for enraging people, so please bear this in mind. Look away now if you are easily upset...
I stopped viewing after about 30 seconds. Not that I'm against recreational cursing, it just has to be funny and in context. This was neither. You did say it was dialogue-based, but that doesn't mean they can't move at all, does it? The characters were unappealing in just about every way, and, apart from a bit of tree, I can't remember anything interesting about the background.
As a kid I watched the old Hanna-Barbera cartoons (Huckleberry Hound, Yogi Bear, Quick Draw McGraw etc.). They were simple, and dialogue-driven, but the characters did move and there was some texture in the backgrounds to offset the flat colours of the cartoon characters. I know how hard putting together a few minutes of animation can be, but I wouldn't want to watch any more of this in its current state.
I did warn you.
I stopped viewing after about 30 seconds. Not that I'm against recreational cursing, it just has to be funny and in context. This was neither. You did say it was dialogue-based, but that doesn't mean they can't move at all, does it? The characters were unappealing in just about every way, and, apart from a bit of tree, I can't remember anything interesting about the background.
As a kid I watched the old Hanna-Barbera cartoons (Huckleberry Hound, Yogi Bear, Quick Draw McGraw etc.). They were simple, and dialogue-driven, but the characters did move and there was some texture in the backgrounds to offset the flat colours of the cartoon characters. I know how hard putting together a few minutes of animation can be, but I wouldn't want to watch any more of this in its current state.
I did warn you.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Re: Koala cartoon
I'll be kind and warn you that what follows is also not terribly nice.SvenReyter wrote:The cursing is actually forced and overused for a reason.
The reason for an onslaught of cursing is "lousy writing." Every time.
I got a whole 90 seconds into this before it became gruesomely tiresome. The lack of movement was annoying, but easily the least of the problems.
There seemed to be a conscious effort to make this a kind of "witty banter" from Clerks or something by Quentin Tarantino. Purposely trying to tap into a nostalgic factor, but laced with ridiculous amounts of cursing to make it seem edgy. From the second the first line of dialog is uttered, it's clear that this is going to be painful. There are also long pauses between what is being said between characters. It's bad enough that I already know the next line is going to be a host of unfunny cursing, at the very least you could not make me have to wait to hear it.
It also suffers from a chronic problem with videos lately: we don't know who these characters are and we're given absolutely no reason to want to learn. I'm pretty sure I could walk by a junior high school parking lot and hear two idiots yapping about nothing with a bunch of cursing, but why would I want to?
There was also no apparent story. Again, I only got a minute and a half in, so maybe one emerges, but by then who cares?
OK, now for the good: your character and background design are pretty good. The background could use a bit more details but still looks like what it's supposed to look like. The background sound effects were a nice touch and something that is usually sorely lacking to add a touch of realism.
If you developed actual characters for these koalas and put them into actual stories, this could go somewhere. As it stands now, not so much.
~Danimal
Re: Koala cartoon
The worst has been said so I won't dwell on it... too much. I will start out with a positive comment.
The only reason I watched... more of it than I would have otherwise... was the TOPIC of all the swearing. Having that curse laden discussion about which was the best Star Wars movie touched my funny bone. I actually was willing to put up with cringe inducing horrific swearing to see what the final decision would be. It wasn't just ordinary cursing.
I have to agree... WAY TOO MUCH CURSING. The topic and writing/performance was realistic and actually funny. The CONSTANT NONSTOP SWEARING pulled me right out of any enjoyment I had. I mean the OPENING WORDS, the FIRST THING YOU HEAR was swearing and it just went downhill from there. I kept hoping it would get less, but it just pretty much got worse or stayed the same for... a very very long time.
That is another complaint I have. After a while I looked down at the progress bar and realized this had barely gotten started. Maybe there would be a scene change or some different characters who didn't swear all the time. So I fast forwarded it... listened to a bit more... forward again... it was the same setting, same dialog that just went on too long.
This could still work. It has a glimmer of something really funny, but it would have been better as a "one off". A very short funny segment of maybe a minute or even less? I keep thinking I am from the older generation before the "short attention span" of youtube and social media, but this was just too long.
Even with something much shorter, you could have sprinkled in some cursing for the shock value and to create the "topical" contrasts of abusive language vs. sci-fi geeks. I honestly can't think of a bunch of nerds having that type of discussion about Star Wars who would swear that much. I could be wrong, I don't get out much and only have my own circle of nerd friends to compare. They didn't have to be the worst curse words known to man. Most networks, even outrageous networks, would have had to bleep out most of the cursing. Bleeping it would have made it even MORE FUNNY in my opinion. I find the bleeped curse words on South Park HILARIOUSLY funny, more so than the actual words. The bleeping required for this would have left nothing to be said at all. It would have been like a "spoof" where the person is speaking and everything is bleeped... only... for real.
I think shows like South Park, and the new Brickleberry create this idea that cartoons and outrageous language and cursing equals successful and funny. If you watch carefully, you will see that the outrageous language in those shows is used strategically and not poured on it out of a bucket like barbecue sauce on ribs. I think swearing like this should be thought of more as a spice or seasoning. Sometimes too much of a good thing can be very very bad. Outrageous comedy of this sort has to be just as carefully crafted as non-shock content... maybe more so.
As far as quality of animation... well... that's another story entirely. It wasn't horrible. It didn't detract from the swearing that's for sure.
I would ask one thing though, please move that tree behind the main character. It bothered me that there was a tree exactly behind him close to the center of the composition. I kept wanting the tree to be off to the left a little more, maybe a few more trees and some more background.
The lip syncing was good but the switch layers needed some work. The dialog was so fast that there was a lot of "overlap" of the mouth shapes. Hard to explain. The characters were talking so fast that the mouth shapes seemed to be on screen at the same time, like the compression couldn't keep up. This did tend to be a bit distracting.
Some character acting would be nice. Some anticipation and reaction to the dialog. Some secondary movement to back up the words. However, that can be VERY time consuming. That is why I suggested doing something shorter. It would allow you to spend more time on other details.
p.s. Hope you have a thick skin and don't get too upset. I have seen entire movies that were way worse than this. And it's not even close to as bad as "Scabbiebabies".
The only reason I watched... more of it than I would have otherwise... was the TOPIC of all the swearing. Having that curse laden discussion about which was the best Star Wars movie touched my funny bone. I actually was willing to put up with cringe inducing horrific swearing to see what the final decision would be. It wasn't just ordinary cursing.
I have to agree... WAY TOO MUCH CURSING. The topic and writing/performance was realistic and actually funny. The CONSTANT NONSTOP SWEARING pulled me right out of any enjoyment I had. I mean the OPENING WORDS, the FIRST THING YOU HEAR was swearing and it just went downhill from there. I kept hoping it would get less, but it just pretty much got worse or stayed the same for... a very very long time.
That is another complaint I have. After a while I looked down at the progress bar and realized this had barely gotten started. Maybe there would be a scene change or some different characters who didn't swear all the time. So I fast forwarded it... listened to a bit more... forward again... it was the same setting, same dialog that just went on too long.
This could still work. It has a glimmer of something really funny, but it would have been better as a "one off". A very short funny segment of maybe a minute or even less? I keep thinking I am from the older generation before the "short attention span" of youtube and social media, but this was just too long.
Even with something much shorter, you could have sprinkled in some cursing for the shock value and to create the "topical" contrasts of abusive language vs. sci-fi geeks. I honestly can't think of a bunch of nerds having that type of discussion about Star Wars who would swear that much. I could be wrong, I don't get out much and only have my own circle of nerd friends to compare. They didn't have to be the worst curse words known to man. Most networks, even outrageous networks, would have had to bleep out most of the cursing. Bleeping it would have made it even MORE FUNNY in my opinion. I find the bleeped curse words on South Park HILARIOUSLY funny, more so than the actual words. The bleeping required for this would have left nothing to be said at all. It would have been like a "spoof" where the person is speaking and everything is bleeped... only... for real.
I think shows like South Park, and the new Brickleberry create this idea that cartoons and outrageous language and cursing equals successful and funny. If you watch carefully, you will see that the outrageous language in those shows is used strategically and not poured on it out of a bucket like barbecue sauce on ribs. I think swearing like this should be thought of more as a spice or seasoning. Sometimes too much of a good thing can be very very bad. Outrageous comedy of this sort has to be just as carefully crafted as non-shock content... maybe more so.
As far as quality of animation... well... that's another story entirely. It wasn't horrible. It didn't detract from the swearing that's for sure.
I would ask one thing though, please move that tree behind the main character. It bothered me that there was a tree exactly behind him close to the center of the composition. I kept wanting the tree to be off to the left a little more, maybe a few more trees and some more background.The lip syncing was good but the switch layers needed some work. The dialog was so fast that there was a lot of "overlap" of the mouth shapes. Hard to explain. The characters were talking so fast that the mouth shapes seemed to be on screen at the same time, like the compression couldn't keep up. This did tend to be a bit distracting.
Some character acting would be nice. Some anticipation and reaction to the dialog. Some secondary movement to back up the words. However, that can be VERY time consuming. That is why I suggested doing something shorter. It would allow you to spend more time on other details.
p.s. Hope you have a thick skin and don't get too upset. I have seen entire movies that were way worse than this. And it's not even close to as bad as "Scabbiebabies".
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sargumphigaus
- Posts: 403
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Re: Koala cartoon
LOL. Yeah, you may want to view that as a guide on how not to behave in the face of general criticism.heyvern wrote:p.s. Hope you have a thick skin and don't get too upset. I have seen entire movies that were way worse than this. And it's not even close to as bad as "Scabbiebabies".
You need to establish a faster sense of pacing. The conversation is slow and it feels turn based, like a Pokemon battle on a Gameboy color. They just take turns saying their lines.
When we were younger, my friends and I were heavily into making DIY films and a lot of these shorts played heavily on two of my friends ability to get into heated arguments in a somewhat similar fashion to these koala bears. As a matter of fact we made one with an extremely similar premise to this cartoon. The arguments went on and on and never got boring because they had a raw feel to it. They were yelling over eachother, getting more and more into it, and you could relate to the argument, you started to identify with. You started to pick and chose who was right and who was just an asshole.
my advice would be that if you had access to the audio clips individually, layer them over each other, create a sense of continuity. Believe me, it's effective and it works really well.
As for the excessive swearing. While I for one do not condemn it and am not entirely on board with the "Antiswear" policy that everyone shares, I have to agree with them in terms of context. Excessive swearing doesn't help the point, it just makes you sound like a tool. But that doesn't mean there shouldn't be any. When your characters really loses their shit and get emotional in their arguments, then the bombs should come out. Either that or use swearing in a casual phrase. For instance i just implimented the phrase "when your characters lose their shit" it's casual, and you'd probably miss it. It doesn't take any spotlight. But what I get out of your dialogue is "FUCKING RETURN OF THE FUCKING JEDI FUCKING ROCKS THE SHIT YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT I FUCKING MEAN CUNT?" it's distracting, and cries "Look at me i'm edgy" which only works if you're below the age of 10 and swearing is new to you.
In the future you'll call me a hypocrite because i'm about to animate a character who goes on a rampage and swears uncontrollably every step of the way. But hopefully his extremely emotional state will justify it.
AXEMAN CARTOONS Channel
http://www.youtube.com/user/Sargumphigaus
http://www.youtube.com/user/Sargumphigaus
Re: Koala cartoon
I watched it with the sound off. So I can't speak to the content of the dialogue
The animation is nice and clean, though a bit boring. Perhaps if your characters aren't going to move around much (and of course koalas aren't known as the most energetic of creatures), you could try adding some additional camera movement, just to give the piece a bit more flow. You might also try timing the different camera cuts to increase the pace of the film, and keep things snappy.
This is a first effort? Wow, it looks like you spent some real time building everything, and the character design is fairly appealing. I look forward to your next piece.
Oops, one more thing. Maybe you could lose the character's drop shadows. they makes the background look like flat.
The animation is nice and clean, though a bit boring. Perhaps if your characters aren't going to move around much (and of course koalas aren't known as the most energetic of creatures), you could try adding some additional camera movement, just to give the piece a bit more flow. You might also try timing the different camera cuts to increase the pace of the film, and keep things snappy.
This is a first effort? Wow, it looks like you spent some real time building everything, and the character design is fairly appealing. I look forward to your next piece.
Oops, one more thing. Maybe you could lose the character's drop shadows. they makes the background look like flat.
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SvenReyter
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Re: Koala cartoon
I prefaced this by saying I am a complete amateur to animation. We did what we could with a limited knowledge of the software. This video was a learning experiment. I chose Koalas because, first and foremost, I love Koalas and secondly because they don't move very much. I knew I could never animate a character walking with my limited knowledge of Anime Studio. So I worked around it.
As far as the writing goes I have no intention of defending it. It is what it is. My only intention was to animate a conversation to see how it worked out. I made the cartoon I wanted to make at the time and I made a lot of mistakes while making it...the running time being the biggest of those. I've been working on a real episode for the last couple of weeks. It has scene changes and the beginning of a story. More of a proper episode. It will still be peppered with salty language, because as stated by Danimal above, I am a poor writer and I simply use foul language as a crutch for my lousy writing. I can't apologize enough for being a hack. And, I say that in the most honest and least passive aggressive way. I know I'm not good at it. If I were good at I wouldn't have my exciting career in retail. Look, this is just a hobby for me, I'm not going to act like the scabiebabie guy... you may as well be saying disparaging things about my stamp collection.
But, thanks for watching it...or, at least the first minute or so you could tolerate. One thing though; I was really hoping for more animation and art advice than writing. Like what Lumpy said about blurring the background to produce a depth of field look. That helps. I consider writing and comedy more subjective...and, that's not a way of me saying that my cartoon isn't a huge pile of shit. I have no problem with criticism or failure. Probably because I have absolutely no ambitions for animation. It's just that I can have a casual viewer on youtube or a friend say they didn't like the story, character or lack thereof. I was hoping for more practical anime studio advice. Not that I don't appreciate the rest. But, being that this is an animation forum. I was hoping the critiques would be concerning the animation. I enjoy working with the software and I'm looking forward to, maybe, getting better with it. Thanks again.
As far as the writing goes I have no intention of defending it. It is what it is. My only intention was to animate a conversation to see how it worked out. I made the cartoon I wanted to make at the time and I made a lot of mistakes while making it...the running time being the biggest of those. I've been working on a real episode for the last couple of weeks. It has scene changes and the beginning of a story. More of a proper episode. It will still be peppered with salty language, because as stated by Danimal above, I am a poor writer and I simply use foul language as a crutch for my lousy writing. I can't apologize enough for being a hack. And, I say that in the most honest and least passive aggressive way. I know I'm not good at it. If I were good at I wouldn't have my exciting career in retail. Look, this is just a hobby for me, I'm not going to act like the scabiebabie guy... you may as well be saying disparaging things about my stamp collection.
But, thanks for watching it...or, at least the first minute or so you could tolerate. One thing though; I was really hoping for more animation and art advice than writing. Like what Lumpy said about blurring the background to produce a depth of field look. That helps. I consider writing and comedy more subjective...and, that's not a way of me saying that my cartoon isn't a huge pile of shit. I have no problem with criticism or failure. Probably because I have absolutely no ambitions for animation. It's just that I can have a casual viewer on youtube or a friend say they didn't like the story, character or lack thereof. I was hoping for more practical anime studio advice. Not that I don't appreciate the rest. But, being that this is an animation forum. I was hoping the critiques would be concerning the animation. I enjoy working with the software and I'm looking forward to, maybe, getting better with it. Thanks again.
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SvenReyter
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Re: Koala cartoon
Thanks Willf, I'll keep that in mind.
I added the drop shadows because I thought it all looked kind of flat to me. It looked strange without the shadow to me. I'm going to try Lumpy's suggestion of slightly blurring the background and remove the shadows. See how that works out.
Thanks again.
I added the drop shadows because I thought it all looked kind of flat to me. It looked strange without the shadow to me. I'm going to try Lumpy's suggestion of slightly blurring the background and remove the shadows. See how that works out.
Thanks again.
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sargumphigaus
- Posts: 403
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:38 pm
Re: Koala cartoon
What would you like to know specifically about the program? What kind of advice are you looking for?SvenReyter wrote:One thing though; I was really hoping for more animation and art advice than writing. Like what Lumpy said about blurring the background to produce a depth of field look. That helps. I consider writing and comedy more subjective...and, that's not a way of me saying that my cartoon isn't a huge pile of shit. I have no problem with criticism or failure. Probably because I have absolutely no ambitions for animation. It's just that I can have a casual viewer on youtube or a friend say they didn't like the story, character or lack thereof. I was hoping for more practical anime studio advice. Not that I don't appreciate the rest. But, being that this is an animation forum. I was hoping the critiques would be concerning the animation. I enjoy working with the software and I'm looking forward to, maybe, getting better with it. Thanks again.
What I advice I can give you:
You could kill those shadows. They're doing you no favors. The camera spends too much time on a single angles at times. I think You can should use the camera to bounce back and forth even on characters that aren't talking and use your bone rigging to have them nod their heads to implement that they're listening, or provide an angry expression to make it seem like it's getting under his skin. Just because they're koalas doesn't mean they have to stay completely still. A story can be told just as much in body language and facial expression as in language. It's subtle, and yet extremely effective. Mess around with the idea. Have fun with it.
Heck, you can even animate things going on in the background. Experiment, play around with it. Provide something to keep the eyes entertained, even if it isn't directly relevant to what's happening. Moving clouds, people walking by? Experiment with the program, experiment with the features. Take a chance and have fun with the software.
contrary to all these criticisms, i don't think this is bad. I see plenty of potential here.
AXEMAN CARTOONS Channel
http://www.youtube.com/user/Sargumphigaus
http://www.youtube.com/user/Sargumphigaus
Re: Koala cartoon
Okay cool beans! Art advice.
I agree with some more "background" design. It shouldn't be highly detailed and busy, but should or could have more in it to better establish location and setting. It's a zoo of some sort, maybe even some very simple buildings.
I already mentioned the tree behind the main bear. For some reason that just stuck out because there was only one tree and it was smack dab behind him. Seemed odd.
I watched again... the character drawing isn't as bad as all that. The drawing style is not bad. The characters look good. Tiny quibble, The dropshadows on the bears. This is just my pet peeve. The shadows on the head and body make it look like different stroke widths. The head shadow is really dark and blends in with the stroke making it look thicker. Not sure exactly what I would do, but for example if there is shading like that, the arms would also create drop shadows. With limited movement these shadows could simply be drawn.
The lip sync bothers me. Not a huge issue. The timing is correct, but it appears there is a ton of phoneme switching going on for such really really fast dialog. Some of the mouth shapes are so completely different that when they change that fast it looks a bit off. Maybe if you have time, you could do the lip sync on your own. You may not need to switch mouth shapes for every word or phoneme. Skip some because the dialog is so fast no one would notice it. Maybe too you could edit some of the mouth shapes so the differences aren't as extreme. When people talk there are some sounds next to each other that don't need to use a full change of mouth shape.
Another idea to play on the "zoo" concept, you could have silhoettes of people walking past the bears every once in a while. Something really simple. Just low and almost out of shot. Crossing the camera. Like "MST3K".
Nitpicky stuff.
p.s. I am not an "anti-swearing" fanatic by any means. Swearing doesn't really bother me. I swear a lot myself. However, I was raised by conservative mennonites... that childhood background does make me a tad nervous and cringe when hearing swearing at this level. Even as a hobby doing whatever you want, you want to consider how much is too much. I still get really really nervous cursing around my family.
I have to seriously watch what I say when visiting relatives with small children. Have to reign in the cursing. First off they are children, secondly they are MENNONITE CHILDREN! That's two whacks with the evil stick cursing around them. I will burn in hell. I switch to saying "freaking" or "Sugar Honey Ice Tea" or "fuzz bunnies" or "Sugar Beats". I say "fuzz bunnies" and "sugar beats" even when alone and I get annoyed.
I agree with some more "background" design. It shouldn't be highly detailed and busy, but should or could have more in it to better establish location and setting. It's a zoo of some sort, maybe even some very simple buildings.
I already mentioned the tree behind the main bear. For some reason that just stuck out because there was only one tree and it was smack dab behind him. Seemed odd.
I watched again... the character drawing isn't as bad as all that. The drawing style is not bad. The characters look good. Tiny quibble, The dropshadows on the bears. This is just my pet peeve. The shadows on the head and body make it look like different stroke widths. The head shadow is really dark and blends in with the stroke making it look thicker. Not sure exactly what I would do, but for example if there is shading like that, the arms would also create drop shadows. With limited movement these shadows could simply be drawn.
The lip sync bothers me. Not a huge issue. The timing is correct, but it appears there is a ton of phoneme switching going on for such really really fast dialog. Some of the mouth shapes are so completely different that when they change that fast it looks a bit off. Maybe if you have time, you could do the lip sync on your own. You may not need to switch mouth shapes for every word or phoneme. Skip some because the dialog is so fast no one would notice it. Maybe too you could edit some of the mouth shapes so the differences aren't as extreme. When people talk there are some sounds next to each other that don't need to use a full change of mouth shape.
Another idea to play on the "zoo" concept, you could have silhoettes of people walking past the bears every once in a while. Something really simple. Just low and almost out of shot. Crossing the camera. Like "MST3K".
Nitpicky stuff.
p.s. I am not an "anti-swearing" fanatic by any means. Swearing doesn't really bother me. I swear a lot myself. However, I was raised by conservative mennonites... that childhood background does make me a tad nervous and cringe when hearing swearing at this level. Even as a hobby doing whatever you want, you want to consider how much is too much. I still get really really nervous cursing around my family.
I have to seriously watch what I say when visiting relatives with small children. Have to reign in the cursing. First off they are children, secondly they are MENNONITE CHILDREN! That's two whacks with the evil stick cursing around them. I will burn in hell
. I switch to saying "freaking" or "Sugar Honey Ice Tea" or "fuzz bunnies" or "Sugar Beats". I say "fuzz bunnies" and "sugar beats" even when alone and I get annoyed. Re: Koala cartoon
Don't sell yourself short as a comedy writer, those are both funny lines right there!SvenReyter wrote: I know I'm not good at it. If I were good at I wouldn't have my exciting career in retail. Look, this is just a hobby for me, I'm not going to act like the scabiebabie guy... you may as well be saying disparaging things about my stamp collection.
This is difficult because there's just not much animation happening, though again the characters and background look good. Some movement would add wonders to this. The trees could sway, birds could fly past in the background, the silhouette idea is a good one because then you don't even have to animate a walk, just have the shadow pass and bob occasionally to approximate a step.SvenReyter wrote:I was hoping the critiques would be concerning the animation.
I think you'll find that most people here, and in general, aren't so much against swearing as against gratuitous swearing. I've said this 10,000 times before but why not make it 10,001: like anything else when telling a story, if it adds nothing, it shouldn't be there. If a sentence's meaning stands on its own without the cursing (and it invariably does), the cursing should go. Cursing to be cool, edgy, or to shock people does just the reverse - people see right through it and walk away.
~Danimal
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SvenReyter
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- Joined: Mon Jan 13, 2014 3:29 am
Re: Koala cartoon
Thank you, this kind of advice is exactly why I posted the video. I had already made a lot of notes for changes to the background. Sometimes no matter how much time you put into something you can't help but miss the obvious. Little things like trees moving with the wind...never thought of that.
I assure you the amount of swearing is not to be edgy or cool. I could censor it with beeps...that wouldn't bother me. But, I have a specific reason for the Koala in the Atari shirt being foul mouthed and way overusing the F-bomb. If I keep making the cartoon I have every intention of addressing that. It actually has a context.
Thanks again for taking the time to look over the video again. I appreciate the advice. The next episode is a bit more ambitious. I've been working on 4 animation projects over the past year, just trying to learn a bit about the software, this is just the first one I've finished. I'll see where it goes.
Thanks
I assure you the amount of swearing is not to be edgy or cool. I could censor it with beeps...that wouldn't bother me. But, I have a specific reason for the Koala in the Atari shirt being foul mouthed and way overusing the F-bomb. If I keep making the cartoon I have every intention of addressing that. It actually has a context.
Thanks again for taking the time to look over the video again. I appreciate the advice. The next episode is a bit more ambitious. I've been working on 4 animation projects over the past year, just trying to learn a bit about the software, this is just the first one I've finished. I'll see where it goes.
Thanks
Re: Koala cartoon
Nothing more to add about the cursing that has been said.
Now onto what I think could make this better. Editing, by this I mean there is too much down time between each character's line before the next character talks. You could have them over lap their lines some. Even show one character while hearing the voice of another.
I did have a laugh at the s... on his a... gag. "Do you s... hanging upside down. lol
Now onto what I think could make this better. Editing, by this I mean there is too much down time between each character's line before the next character talks. You could have them over lap their lines some. Even show one character while hearing the voice of another.
I did have a laugh at the s... on his a... gag. "Do you s... hanging upside down. lol